STAGECOACH
                      Dickens Christmas Fair 1990
                              Page 1 of 2
 
(1) Mr. Pillicody and Mrs. Pillicody were planing their Yuletide holiday.
"Let us visit my Aunt Matilda at Gretna Green," said Mrs. Pillicody.
"Yes, we'll bring her her holiday goose," said Mr. Pillicody.  "It's
her only joy at Christmas."
 
 
(2) So the very next morning, with many boxing day presents in hand, Mr.
Pillicody and Mrs. Pillicody arrived at the inn where the stagecoach was
to start. (Mr. Pillicody had an extreme aversion to these new-fangled
railways.) Mrs. Pillicoy approached the coachman, who sat at his high
drivers seat with reins in hand, and inquired: "Excuse me, Sir, are you
the coachman?" "Of course I'm the coachman," said the coachman,
emphasizing his haughty carrige. "Well, Aunt Matilda's holiday goose
can not ride with the baggage. It would throw him into a tizzy."
 
 
(3) "Quite right, Ma'am," interjected the guard, with a twinkle in his
eye. "There are a great number of dangerous tizzies twixt here and
Gretna Green. But, as you are our only passengers this season, you will
be our only joy at Christmas, and your goose may ride where it will."
And so, despite Mr. Pillicody`s best organizational efforts, the
packages, Mrs. Pillcody, and Aunt Matilda's goose were safely tucked
on board. And with a crack of the whip and a snap of the reins, the
coach headed north out of London town.
 
 
(4) After a full day's jostling journey, Mr. Pillicody and Mrs. Pillicody
arrived at the coaching inn in Cambridge. Their one consoling thought
as they tumbled into bed was the goose snorinng between them, for the
goose would be Aunt Matilda's only joy at Christmas. Mr. Pillicody
and Mrs. Pillicody rose to a bright December day. At the stage, they
were joined by two lovers, John and Mary, from Trumpington, eloping to
Gretna Green. Also boarding the stagecoach were two young men who
introduced themselves as medical students bound for
the University of Edinburgh. They carried a peculiarly long parcel
(five feet eight inches, to be precise) of which they were very
protective, wraped in brown paper and tied with a red ribbon.
 
 
(5) They also carried a case bottle which, Mr. Pillicody was pleased to
learn, contained gin punch. Suddenly, everyone's interest was sparked.
The goose was interested in the red ribbon, Mrs. Pillicody was
interested in the contents of the five foot, eight inch brown paper
parcel, and Mr. Pillicody was extremely interested in the gin punch.
The lovers, John and Mary, were of course, interested in being left
alone on top of the stagecoach. It was their greatest joy at Christmas.
 
 
(6) Riding through the damp, green countryside, Mrs. Pillicody's
curiosity as to the contents of the parcel increased. "Is it a
present for your Grandmama?" she questioned. The goose gnawed at the
red ribbon. "Oh no, she has a better one in her closet," responded
the tall medical student, defending the parcel from the ravenous goose
with his ever present boxwood stethoscope.
 







                               STAGECOACH
                      Dickens Christmas Fair 1990
                              Page 2 of 2
 
(1)  As the party approached York city, things appeared amiss with our
lovers John and Mary. Indeed, as the company reboarded the stagecoach
after the night's rest, a lovers quarrel was in full bloom. John had
forgotten the color of Mary's eyes.
 
 
(2) Mary would not speak to John. The wedding was off, and John was
banished to the roof. Mary would ride inside the carrige, alone (with
the Pillicodys, and the parcel, and the goose). Mary's misery would be
her only joy at Christmas
 
 
(3) The medical students joined John on the roof and consoled him with
gin punch. Mr. Pillicody called out encouragements to John between
sips of gin punch and Yorkshire bumps. Mrs. Pillicody sat opposite
the parcel, struggling with her conscience.
 
 
(4) The coachman cracked his whip, and Mary sat in a snit. The goose
gnawed at the red ribbon. Intending an innocent peek at the parcel,
Mrs. Pillicody raised a corner of the brown paper... revealing a
compleat skeleton, painted green for the holidays.
 
 
(5) Mrs. Pillicody screamed. As the coachman hit the largest bump in
Yorkshire, the green skeleton lunged foward, hugged Mrs. Pillicody,
scandalousy kissed Mary on the lips, and punched Mr. Pillicody in the
nose. At the sound of Mary's screams, John flung himself dramatically
from the roof, through the open window, and wrestled the vicious green
skeleton to the floor.
 
 
(6) The guard blew his horn! The coachman pulled up the reins and
applied the brake, sending the now drunken medical students sprawling,
and hurling Mrs. Pillicody and Mr. Pillicody, the goose, ... ... ...
John and Mary all in a heap on the floor. Mary and John, of course,
would never be separated again. When the stagecoach was finally
brought to a stop, and the door was opened, who should be found
standing there, with bags in hand, but aunt Matilda!
 
 
(1) "Oh, How thoughtful of you to bring me a goose," said Aunt Matilda,
"but I was just coming to London to visit you. For you see, as much as
I love goose, visiting relations is my only joy at Christmas."
 
 
 
(written by Jim Letchworth, Marilyn Prince, and Antone Cepernich)
(thanks to Richard Lawrence, for this edition)